The Hymn Story of Just As I Am: How Disability and Despair Produced a Christian Treasure
Charlotte’s picture from inside her book, Selections from the Poems of Charlotte Elliott.
(9 minutes)
Just As I Am wasn’t written for altar calls
As a child, I thought “Just As I Am” was meant for altar calls at the end of church. The congregation would sing several verses until someone came down the aisle to pray. I remember one time when all the verses had been sung and no one had walked down to the front. The pastor asked us to hum the tune “just one more time.” Nobody came.
The author who wrote the hymn probably didn’t even know what altar calls were, since the concept was less than thirty years old. In any case, she wrote it as a hymn of Christian testimony, not a call to unbelievers.
Just As I Am is rooted in a strong Christian faith
This story takes place in the southern parts of England. It begins in Clapham, which was then on London’s outskirts but is today part of that big city. That place was home to a Christian group known as the Clapham Sect. They weren’t a secret society but a circle of friends who shared common beliefs and a mutual desire for the good of their world.
They were evangelicals committed to the Church of England, and they’d been “founded” by Henry Venn, a minister in that church. Some of the better-known members of the group were Hannah More and William Wilberforce, and the group’s great success was the 1833 abolition of slavery in England.
Henry Venn (1725-1797).
Charlotte Elliott’s difficult childhood
In 1789, Charlotte Elliott was born to Charles and Eling Elliott. Charles was among the upper classes of England, and Eling was the daughter of Henry Venn. She was born into an active evangelical family, but that gave her no special acceptance with God.
Details are lacking on her early life, but her sister recorded that she was basically an invalid from childhood. In spite of this, she had a talent for drawing, a love and gift for poetry, and skill in music that was limited only by her health.
Her health ebbed and flowed. Most winters were long, uncomfortable ordeals lived in seclusion. Summers brought better health and the ability to travel. But much of her life was spent away from others, too weak and uncomfortable to participate in the hurry of activity.
Although her health was never good, it worsened as she neared 30. Prior to that time, she’d been able to mingle in society. She had devoured all the latest writings and had the chance to meet “some of the most brilliant wits and writers of the day.”
Her sister Eleanor observed that God, in his kindness, allowed Charlotte’s health to deteriorate. Many of her writer friends were either completely empty of religion or actively hostile to it.
Charlotte’s weakened health forced her to withdraw from these unbelievers. At first, this was a great discouragement because she had found some contentment and purpose in the time she had spent with them.
Despair and then relief
The next months proved to be a season of seclusion and depression. In poor health and alone, she had time on her hands and her mind began to reflect on her situation. The more she thought about herself, the more she sensed the guilt of her sins.
But the more clearly she saw her guilt, the more she despaired. She reached a place where she became convinced that someone like herself could never be saved.
As God had afflicted her, so he now sent relief. On May 9, 1822 she was introduced to Cesar Malan, a Genevan pastor who was visiting her father. Malan met with Charlotte and her sister Eleanor and tried to convince them of the love and grace of God.
At first, Charlotte was irritated with him. But her initial response caused later regret. She returned to apologize and seek his counsel. Before his visit was over, it appears both sisters had found peace with God. For the next 40 years Charlotte and Malan wrote each other, always making sure to write on May 9.
His friendship was one of the greatest joys of her life.
Cesar Malan (1787-1864).
Charlotte’s new purpose in life despite disability
This change was the pivotal moment of her life. She followed Malan’s suggestion to temporarily avoid her usual reading list and concentrate solely on the Bible. This decision paid uncountable dividends as her exclusive reading of the Bible showed her wonders and delights that she would have missed through superficial reading.
Eleanor wrote that from that time on, Charlotte’s “spiritual horizon became mostly cloudless.” For the rest of her life, her poor health sometimes clouded her joy, but her general disposition was hopeful.
One of those cloudy times came in 1834. By then, the family had moved from Clapham to Brighton, a city on the southern coast of England. Her brother, the pastor of St. Mary’s, wanted to create an affordable school for the daughters of the clergy.
To raise funds for the school, the church held a fund raiser. The night before the event, the house was busy with activity. Everyone was in motion—everyone except Charlotte. All her desires to be involved and be useful could not overcome her physical challenges. She sat and watched.
As she considered her apparent uselessness, she became despondent. Her thoughts went from the sorrow of her disability to doubts over her spiritual condition. Was everything just an emotional illusion?
At the height of her despair, God calmed her heart. She realized she needed to fight doubt with truth.
She picked up her pen.
Just As I Am: Charlotte preaches the gospel to herself
Putting her gifts to use, Charlotte preached the gospel to herself.
Regardless of how she felt, she would trust in what she knew. Her only plea before God was that the Savior had died for her and was calling for her to come. And she committed to come.
Her mind was filled with conflicts and doubts, but Jesus said to come, so she came.
She was poor, wretched, and blind—she needed healing of her mind. She came.
She knew that coming to Christ was not something that happened only at the start of the new life. The Christian life is a constant coming to Christ—a daily return to the truth of the gospel. Her salvation was not assured simply because she’d made a good choice 12 years before. It was assured because Christ is a living Savior who gives spiritual life day by day.
Putting these truths down in seven stanzas pulled Charlotte from her hopelessness. She was still physically limited, but she knew that her spiritual life was real. And this reminded her that there was more to her existence than the trials of this life.
She had finished writing by the time her sister-in-law Julia came to give news of the church event and to see how Charlotte was faring. After reading what she’d written, Julia asked to make a copy. This is how the hymn made it out of Charlotte’s room.
A heart for those in pain: editor of The Invalid’s Hymnbook
In the following years, Charlotte became editor of several Christian works. A young friend, Harriet Kiernan, had begun the Christian Remembrance Pocket-Book as well as The Invalid’s Hymnbook. As Harriet was dying of tuberculosis, she asked Charlotte to take over.
For the next quarter century Charlotte would contribute many of her own poems and writings to these works. It was in the 1836 invalid’s hymnbook that “Just As I Am” was first published.
Charlotte Elliott lives to old age in spite of disability
In spite of poor health, Charlotte outlived most of her family and died at 82. Near the end of his life her brother said that he had preached many sermons and labored among many people, but was certain that this hymn had done more good for the kingdom than all of his combined labors.
Have you experienced trials like Charlotte? Do you realize that God might be doing something in your life that will bless those around you and bring you greater joy in the end?
