John Urquhart, part 19: Nearing the Finish Line
The geography of John’s life. Born in Perth (white), college at St. Andrew’s (blue). He spent his last 9 months in the region of Glasgow (red), with frequent visits to Dysart House (orange).
After his farewell to St. Andrews, John was able to spend two weeks in Perth with his family. He hoped to go on a preaching tour of the Highlands with John Adam, but was feeling poorly and unable to go. By May he was settled into a new position, that of tutor to the ten-year-old son of a Colonel Moreland of the cavalry. Although eager to apply to the London Missionary Society, he also wanted to honor his parents' wishes. He was also aware of his age and inexperience, and he thought that after a year spent as a tutor, his parents might be more favorable to the idea. Moreland lived in Tannochside, about eight miles from Glasgow. Since Glasgow was home to a new independent seminary, John hoped to take classes alongside his own teaching responsibilities.
The tutoring position had been arranged through the efforts of Dr. Chalmers and Lord Rosslyn, who lived in the near-palatial Dysart House, about 20 miles from St. Andrews and 55 miles from Tannochside. It’s not clear what the connection was between Moreland and Lord Rosslyn, but the Moreland family were frequent guests at Rosslyn's home, staying for weeks at a time. In these final months of his life, John would spend his time either at Tannochside, Dysart House, or on the road between them.
Several weeks in May and early June were spent at Rosslyn's estate, during which time Urquhart marked his 18th birthday. On June 8 he recorded, “Yesterday, I completed my eighteenth year. Hitherto has the Lord brought me; and, in spite of much wickedness and ingratitude, he continues to bless me. How little have I done! Hitherto I have made my youth an excuse for much inactivity! Will this be an excuse at the bar [court/tribunal] of God?"
Dysart House was a large estate, with frequent comings and goings of the upper class. But his time in Tannochside with the Morelands would prove challenging for John. Neither they nor anyone in their employ were Christians, and the area was surrounded only by scattered cottages. He quickly became starved for fellowship, something especially painful after the deep, daily conversations he had held with his friends at St. Andrews. As he was almost in exile, he decided to keep a daily journal of his thoughts. To this point he had made short notations of daily activities but wanted to record more of his thoughts and fears. He initially debated with himself about putting his thoughts on paper; he anticipated that someday someone else might read them and he feared the thought of this might influence what he wrote.
His teaching responsibilities only took about four hours of his day, leaving him with time for his own studies. He had had a tight schedule while at St. Andrews and recognized he would need to set up a similar daily study plan now that he had no course deadlines or official responsibilities. Over the summer he spent time in both the Hebrew and Greek testaments, read books on church history, evidences for Christianity. He even enjoyed some of Shakespeare’s comedies, but was compelled to give them up because of their undesirable parts. He wrote, “The pearls are indeed fine, and present a great temptation; but, after all, they are not worth the diving for, or at least, the ocean that covers them is too dangerous for such a feeble adventurer as I.” Before long it became apparent that his hopes of studying in the Congregationalist seminary would not materialize, but he did have the opportunity at the end of June to visit Glasgow, where he had the chance to see the school and the city’s great cathedral. In writing to his friend Henry Craik, he also noted that “The statue of our revered Knox stands on a neighboring hill." Trips such as this to Glasgow were invigorating, but they were the exception to a life of increasing loneliness.
The monument to John Knox that Urquhart saw dominates the skyline in the center of this 19th century picture. A 12’ tall Knox stands atop a column of nearly 60’. The monument was four months old in June of 1826.
“Glasgow Cathedral and Necropolis,” Scottish National Portrait Gallery
While at Dysart House he had tried to begin a time of family worship with the servants, but this suggestion, while not denied, was “received with coolness.” At other times he tried to initiate spiritual conversation with the Morelands but was frustrated in his attempts. He was, however, encouraged by the reception he received from their son, who showed at least an intellectual interest and reception of scriptural truth. At times John would go out into the countryside to distribute gospel tracts to the little cottages and his pupil’s willingness to accompany him was an encouragement. He also was able to briefly gather a group of young men for spiritual conversation but felt he ruined his opportunity due to “the hurry of the harvest" —feeling he had pressed the group too quickly to commit to Christ.
Letter-writing remained his only link to the outside world and to his dear friends. He wrote often during these days, and nearly every letter to a friend asked for information on mutual friends from St. Andrews. The discouragement and depression that came from his situation was a frequent topic in his letters. In July he wrote, "have suffered excessively today from mental depression, and could assign no specific cause for it. I am half-inclined to ascribe it to the immediate agency of Satan, or some of his emissaries. At times his depression was so extreme that it made him “dread real madness," which then made him wonder, “Is this a fit character for a missionary?" The depths of despair did not always stay with him, but the darkness never completely left. He wrote in November, “all around is more dreary now than ever; and, in other respects, external circumstances are no better than they were, and yet I know nothing of that strange dejection which pressed so heavy on me before." As his old pastor, William Orme, reflected on John's low spirits, he attributed them to his busy mental labors, his separation from his friends, and his anxious longing to be in active missionary service.
John's last letter to Orme came in September, reiterating how he had made every effort to honor the desire of his parents that he not go into foreign missions. Their continued opposition was a burden that he continued to carry. Upon receiving this letter from John, Orme felt compelled to write directly to his father and intercede for him. He was convinced that such a long-standing desire must be coming from the Lord and that it would be fruitless to oppose it. With what must have been emotional reservations, John Sr. accepted Orme’s reasoning and gave indications to his son that he had his blessing. But by December, John's own health began to indicate that something far more serious might keep him from the field.
