John Urquhart, part 20: In the Wilderness
In the middle of July, John wrote from Tannochside, the home of his employer, to his friend Robert Trail. This letter is a good example of many of the things that he thought and wrote about during the summer and fall of 1826. He speaks of discouragement and depression. And, as in other letters of the summer, he expresses his concern that if he cannot thrive spiritually when separated from friends in Scotland, he will not survive when he is an ocean away from spiritual support and in the presence of virtually no Christians. It is a reminder of how important Christian fellowship is. If circumstances prevent Christians from being present “in the flesh,” even a letter can be encouraging. John pleads with Robert to write to him and encourage him in the Lord.
Tennoch Side, July 17, 1826.
My dear Trail,
I believe, in regard to Christian society, your circumstances, very nearly resemble my own:— and if in these circumstances, you feel as I sometimes do, I know that a letter from an old companion will not be unacceptable, even though it contains ‘nothing new.’ Accept my sincere thanks for the notes of introduction you left for my friend and me. I was sorry that my short stay in Edinburgh permitted me to pay only a very short visit to Wellwood Lodge. A Polish missionary was staying there when I called, with whom I spoke a little. I was prevented from accompanying our friend, John Adam, on his missionary tour, because of illness. I believe he enjoyed it very much. I am now fairly settled, within eight miles of Glasgow, —removed from every Christian friend who might excite and encourage me; and sometimes I acknowledge I feel very much depressed: but the Lord is ever near. If I feel so faint-hearted here, I know not how I shall endure the living solitude of a city of idolaters, or the extreme dreariness of a savage desert. But, ‘through Christ strengthening me I can do all things.’ What plans of usefulness have you set in place, since I saw you? Can you suggest any thing to me, that I can accomplish here? Do you have any particular plans in instructing your students, which you can share, because I feel myself quite a novice in the art of teaching; and I am aware that there is no small responsibility connected with duties that have such an immense influence in forming a mind which is to exist for ever; and which, in the furthest age of eternity, will bear the shape of that mold which was impressed on it in the earliest years of its existence.
Have you been thinking more of missions? I find everyone dissuades and discourages me, urging the great needs of our own country. I think I feel the claims of our own land as strongly as some who urge them against my plans. But this still does not prevent me from feeling the immense burden that nothing has been done for heathen nations, proportional to their vast extent; —and nothing to fulfil the wide command of our Lord. I have had two letters from Captain Felix, pressing on my attention the needs of Ireland. By this time, our dear friend Nesbit has applied to the Scottish Missionary Society {Robert Nesbit sailed for India in 1827 and died there in 1855]. I trust that more of our little circle will follow his example. How unfortunate are the debates about the apochryphal question! [Christian disagreements over interpretations of the end times] But why should I say unfortunate, as if they could happen without the knowledge of the great Head of the church.
18th. I have been reading the former part of my letter which was written last night, and find it is a very dull and careless scrawl. I wish I could send you something better; but the fact is, I have been laboring under very uncommon mental depression, which renders me unfit for doing any thing as I could wish. I have had a drive in the carriage to Hamilton today, and feel somewhat better. I know you are never troubled with this sort of affliction, and may be inclined to laugh at it; but I can assure you, it is ten times more distressing than physical sickness. The latter often adds to spiritual comfort; the former usually destroys it. But I am ashamed of having said so much about my weaknesses; and assuredly I would not have referred to the subject, if it were not to help urge you to write to me soon. Send me something to cheer and console me. Point me to the great objects of eternity, and stir me up to do something in the cause of the Lord. Although I am sometimes thus depressed, it is not always so. The Lord has been very kind to me since I came here. I have been forced to seek all my enjoyments in communion with God. It is well, when we hasten after other lovers, that the One who insists on having our whole heart, should hedge up our way. And when he leads us into the wilderness, and dries up many a source of what seemed holy enjoyment, it is often not to punish, but to bless us, —to ‘speak comfortably’ to us. We do well, my friend, to examine whether the Lord alone be the object of our affections. When surrounded by godly friends, who are ready to praise, or at least, to think highly of us for our zeal in furthering the interests of religion, —it is difficult to determine the nature of our motives. Those who went before our Saviour in triumph to Jerusalem, crying, Hosanna, Hosanna, were probably afterwards found agreeing to his death; and even the boldest and most devoted of his chosen few, ‘forsook him and fled.’ Are we ready to follow the Lord through bad as well as through good report? Have we ever yet been put to the trial? Have you read Samuel Rutherford’s letters? I have been delighted and humbled by them. How much of heaven may be enjoyed on earth, if we will make an effort to seek for it. I feel that I know nothing yet of Christ, or of fellowship with him. Write very soon to your affectionate brother.
